My cucumbers are conspiring

As you may know by now, I have a love/hate relationship with growing cucumbers, and I think they know it.  I spent about £7 on two packets of seed and sowed two batches resulting in a grand total of two seedlings, woopee; get the celebratory parade organised now.  I resorted to buying two plants from the garden centre to boost my stock.  I had where they were going to be planted sorted months in advance.  As I don’t have a greenhouse I planned to stick them in the sunniest spot on the patio so needed a decent tub which I purchased in the form of a giant plastic trough from high street store Wilkinsons, where the prices are very appealing.  Terracotta would probably have been better but money doesn’t grow on trees and I had to lug the thing back to the car. 

The trough to end all troughs.  This was taken quite a while after planting, I didn't let my cucumbers get quite that advanced before planting them out.

Filling this trough with soil took considerably more soil, time and effort than I anticipated and I definitely worked up a sweat in the process, it was effectively a full body workout with dead lifts and squats and all sorts; who needs the gym!  Actually correct that; if it wasn't for regular gym sessions I don't think it would have got filled.  A full plastic bucket and a half of soil heaved and lugged and tipped later and It is now almost impossible to lift.  While a lot of effort, planting in tubs is far more pleasing as the soil can be cleaved with a trowel like butter rather than attempting to chisel a hole in my solid clay garden soil.  So I popped in my two larger shop bought specimens at either end and my home grown numbers in the middle and sat back and awaited cucumbers.

Or so I thought.  One day, on a regular progress inspection of the cucumber tub, I was shocked and mystified to find this:

Two cucumber seedlings who should be there, and two that really shouldn't

A close up of the little obstinate toad

That if you are wondering is a picture of two rogue cucumber seedlings that have just popped out of the soil like daisies.  I was completely mystified.  How on earth had two seedlings appeared when I hadn't sown any seed?!  Then the penny dropped.  On clearing out the numerous little pots that I had sown cucumbers in but hadn't germinated, I just threw the effectively unused compost, seed and all, into the tub of compost going in to my cucumber trough.  Well fine I thought, thats a little annoying that they choose to grow now but I get two extra opportunities for cucumbers so whatever.  But then a few days later I wandered over to a pot of sweet peas and lo and behold look whats growing!

That is a cucumber seedling nestled in the side of a pot of sweet peas.  Excuse the stick 

So now I really am annoyed.  These cucumbers are clearly doing this to be deliberately irritating.  I lovingly plant them in their own pot of exactly the same compost, give them water and delightful growing conditions and nothing.  Nada, none of them grow.  Lob them haphazardly in a huge pot and completely ignore them and they are up and growing before you can turn round.  You may think, well maybe it was just the right time of year, or perhaps the growing conditions were just a bit better, and so would I have.  Until, oh until! Until I found another seedling merrily growing away amongst my Zinnias in the front garden when I planted them out months later.  So it didn't grow in the pot of compost alongside the zinnia, no no.  It chose to wait until it was placed in the more homely surroundings of the soil in my front garden, which to be honest resembles concrete and is possibly the worst conditions for seeds ever.  So now I know that these cucumber plants are just growing out of spite, just to be able to rub my nose in my lack of success.  And this is why I will continue to hate cucumber plants for the second year running.

I know its hard to tell but thats a cucumber seedling right in the middle.
Other plants include Zinnias, stocks and the odd inevitable weed